I wouldn’t consider myself a great looking man. I wouldn’t consider myself rich or even funny. That is why I have such a hard time meeting women. It all started back in puberty in the infamous boy’s locker room. The jocks getting with all the cheerleaders and me, getting gold bond and icy hot all over my jock strap. I just couldn’t compete with these guys. And as I retreated further and further into nerdom, I found out that being captain of the chess team will not get you laid.

All I wanted in high school was to get laid. It never happened.

Good grades, honor roll and halfway done with my associate’s degree before I even graduated from high school. All I wanted was a girlfriend. All through collage, the same thing. Yeah I got the occasional scrap or two thrown at me, but she was usually really unattractive, or really really drunk. I once struggled through a relationship just for the sake of having a relationship. Flowers, cards, dinner the whole nine yards. After a few months of constant appeasement and insistent begging.

Still no vagina.

I had to do something. I had to get this lack of luck with the ladies under control. There I was, a 31 year old DMD and opening my own clinic. Still, no steady girlfriend. I couldn’t even talk to a woman, let alone successfully date one. My palms would sweat, I’d get all nervous and begin to stutter. I would constantly apologize for everything. In fact, one time after months and months and months I finally was able to take my fitness instructor out on a date. I was so nervous, I sat in the bathroom almost the entire time.

Then I found the community. I was at the local library when I happened to come across a most peculiar of men. There was this pink sunglasses wearing smart ass just having the time of his life and the women were just eating out of the palm of his hand! Every time they would try to take his sunglasses, he wouldn’t let them. When they asked why he was wearing them, he wouldn’t answer, instead he would spin whatever question that was asked and turn it around playfully on the person who asked it. It was quite amusing. They thought he was gay. He wouldn’t play into their frame then say something about all the cute guys floating around the library and why they were not out trying to get them. They were obviously sexual predators after all.