I haven’t shaved in three days..I haven’t accomplished anything significant in past two days. All I have done in past two days is partying and going out and watching movies…

Its a Sunday afternoon and the negative thoughts start creeping in. I start feeling worthless…after all, I was hoping to be finished with “time of your life” and “imagination development” workshops three weeks ago. And I am not even half finished.

Only 8 more hours are left in the day and I need to get loads of work done: getting the flat tire fixed, Go through the time management workshop, workout, dinner, laundry, house-clearning, an inspirational movie, and hopefully, a nice read.

I look at clock, its almost 3 pm..time is ticking, I need to get in the groove.

I get my gym bag ready, and roll out…

I am wearing a track suit that looks like it hasn’t been washed in 2 years…it got creases all over it. On top of that, I am wearing a sweat shirt that is almost too short for me…

To zero it out: My appearance is as appalling as my need for approval seeking.

Before I get to the gym, I stopped by Wallgreens got get a couple of razors..I like to shave right after getting out of steam room..

So I walk in walgreens, and I see a cute tall woman in the cosmetics aisle. She is wearing this awesome white khakhi lounge pants, a short top, and I can tell she is hard-working..she has perfect abs (Yes, I said abs, not “ass”..) - just my type.. except that I know I have no shot with this woman. She is tall and succesfull and hard-working. All the negative thoughts I had double and tripal their effects…And Yet, I go for it. I am feeling super-nervous. I haven’t approached a girl during day time in like 2 weeks.

“Hey, you know what time it is?”

She opens her wallet looking for time, and I interrupt (totally nervous delivery): nevermind, I am here just to flirt with you !

I get no response…I am shocked. Typically I get a nice huge smile if not a laugh..

Negative thoughts starts gaining a lot of momentum in my head.

“I am Bombay”, nice to meet you.

Finally, a smile, and she says “I am (don’t remember her name) nice to meet you too”

I am clueless..totally absorbed in my own head..I have no idea where to take the conversation. Partially, my head is fuc*ing with me. Its like I know I don’t deserve her and so no matter what I do, she won’t go out with me.

With totally pathetic tone, I ask her, “so, are you from around here”.

“yes”

No question asked back in return. I take it as a first sign of rejection. I feel like I should start running. Go far away where nobody can see me, even myself. My alter ego (the nerdy engineer).. was telling me, “damn, you nerdy engineer, go away from her. you don’t deserve her. Go back and ready your theories of quantum physics and diffrential dynamics..Run”

I can’t take it anymore.

I turn around, and I tell her, “Nice to meet you, have a good day”.

I go back to the cashier, and while standing in line, I come back to my senses..

I realize how bad I F*cked up. I was saying to myself, I should go back in. I should re-engage the conversation. Wait..Did I even had a conversation with her? No. It was merely an exchange of a corny line.

Anyway, my new self pushes me back in. I go back to the make-up aisle, and I tell her, “You strike to me as a this warm friendly person, I just had to come back and talk to you”

She turns around, and looks at me with a polite smile. She has been very polite to me.

I look at her, directly in her eyes, and I can see a very confident woman.

“You don’t deserve her” kinda thoughts starts creeping in again.

I re-engage the convo by asking the same stupid question

So, where are you from?

and she asks me the same question..

I say, “ummm..well I moved here from Jersey.”

She asks second question, What brought you here?

“umm.work”

What do you do?

“umm..retired stripper”.

She is being real polite to me. She is comforting me by asking me all these questions. Its not that she likes me, its just that she sees my nervousness and wants me to be comfortable around her, and hence, asks me all the generic questions…to alleviate my nervousness. Wow. Women are so intelligent emotionally.

I see a pattern.

I am giving all my answers with a reaction seeking attitude. She was looking around, shopping her stuff, while I was looking at her, with my body language completely facing towards her, and my eyes totally locked on her (not in a pervy way, in a needy way)

What a looser you are..I said to myself. All this learning has been vain. You are not even applying it correctly. Fuck it. You need to get out of here. Go home. Now.

I quit.

I leave then and there.

I tell her again, “have a good day”.

And I leave. without looking back. I leave. I just leave.

Well..ouch..

It felt like someone had kicked me in my balls.

But I regain. I drink my energy drink while in parking lot, and ponder…

There are days when things won’t work, and there are days things just work. You have to decide what do you want to focus on. Do you want to whine, bitch and moan about your failure, or, work towards aspiring success?

Why would a single failure erase all the successfull fun interactions you have had? Because you allow it to. It is your choice.

You have to make a concious choice..and you made that choice two years ago when you embarked on this journey of self-improvement and social success. What you experienced today was just a chain reaction. It will be long forgotten 2 years from now. What will stay with you is the choice. And that is all you have got.

I turn on my car, and head towards my gym.

Btw, I had and excellent workout. I flirted with two cuties. They cracked up….The main manager of the gym came by and spotted me. (I am friends with a lot of staff at my gym, its what I and my friend Brooklyn call “PR”) Every body in weight room was looking at me after that, thinking to themselves…who the hell is this guy?

I felt like million dollars. Also, by the time I got to bed, I finished everything on my list for the day.

Good day overall, I would say.